The most useless piece of advice.....

.....I have ever received from a so-called cycling coach:

"Just don't ever ride hard - ever."
"Never???"
"No. In fact, you should only be riding 5 days per week."
"Why only 5? What about the other two days?"
"No, on the other two days, you should be sleeping."
"Really??"
"YES. And to be honest, you would be better off riding only 3 days per week."
"What??!! Why only 3??!"
"Because that way your body can recover from when you do ride!"
"OH - I see. So, ride hard 3 days, and take 4 days off to recover!"
"No - no, no, no, no - Don't EVER ride hard, ever! You have to save yourself for the races."
"But, uh"
"Listen to me - if you want to be a great racer, don't ever ride hard. Just race hard."
"Yeah, but, you see...."
"In fact, don't ride your bike - just look at it. Use visualization to imagine yourself riding that bike."
"Um, you know what, I don't think that I'm....."
"Just imagine yourself riding, but don't ride - you don't EVER want to risk going hard on the bike, ever, ever, ever, ever!"
"Now, you're charging people for this infor...."
"Listen to me - if you wanna race, you gotta recover. Don't ride, just recover. Don't do anything that would ever put a strain on your body - in fact, don't EVER let your pulse rate get above 100. I don't wanna even see it above 80. Recovery is key. All your visualization should be recovery rides."
"Uh, yeah, but you see, I like to ride...."
"NO! You can't ride - no riding. Those bikes are for looking, not riding!!"

Um, okay. So now, you're probably thinking, Rodney, you made all this stuff up. Not exactly. Well, embellished a tad......but those who are in the know, know it ain't much.