What the???

After mile 2 on this evening's ride:

Bike: "Um, Rodney, I don't like that gear you're in.....I'm gonna switch it for you."
Me: "NO - don't do that - I don't like that. I wanna be in that gear I had it in."
Bike: "Okay, well, I'll switch to this other gear instead."
Me: "What the??!!"
Bike: "No, quit going back to that gear - I don't like that gear. Here, I'll switch to this gear for you."
Me: "Stupid !@##%#@!"
Bike: "No, the big chainring is taking the night off - sorry - you can't use that chainring tonight."
Me: "Piece of!"
Bike: "Wait, I don't like the nose of the saddle pointing forward all the time - I want it to point sideways. Here, let me turn it for you."
Me: "When I get home, I'm gonna throw you through the......."
Bike: "HEY, I told you not to go in that gear - and stop trying to get into the big chainring! I won't let you do that!!!"
Me: Pondering, pondering.....sell this thing; walk home; or get back home ASAP and rack it up. Hmmm.
Bike: "Yeah, stay in this gear - and no others. No other gear will work! And stop trying to move that darn saddle - I want that saddle pointing sideways.....not straight! I'm not gonna say it again!"
Me: "Okay, you win......for now. Piece of sh......."

Yeah, had one of those rides tonight where my bike pretty much went off on me.....just had a mind of it's own. And it happened completely out of nowhere! Like I pissed it off somehow or something! Actually, I think it might be a little jealous.....been spending a little too much time on the MTB lately.